Pep Fest

I was subbing at the high school yesterday and the last half hour of the last class was devoted to a pep fest for the Bemidji nordic ski team.  I know some of the students on the team and I’m all for them and their athletic success, so please don’t misunderstand me.

The idea of going to a pep fest fills me with indescribable loathing. 

Well, I’ll try to describe it anyway:  I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but feel shame and embarrassment for the pep fest participants.  Granted, these feelings are born of my own experiences at Monona Grove High School and are in no way related to any experience I’ve ever had in Bemidji.

Nonetheless, this is what I picture:

• Cheerleaders in short skirts flouncing mindlessly to silly cheers while internally every fiber of their being cries out for approval - ”Please, please, someone like me!”
• A smarmy, anal school administrator playing MC so s/he can practice whatever Jedi mind-voodoo s/he learned at her/his last leadership seminar ($599 for three days, materials included).  Meanwhile, the leadership mind-voodoo is undermined by the provocatively retentive character and posture of said administrator, resulting in mass snark among the student body.  And I’m not sure if it’s the worst part or the best part, but why oh why do these administrators always remain ABSOLUTELY clueless about the impact they are having on the crowd??
• A few well-intentioned but goofy cliches from the coach which are meant to be inspiring but, well, they’re cliches.
• Some absolutely agonizing cheer like “We’ve got spirit yes we do…”  Oh, I wish I could die.
• And those poor nordic skiers, herded up front to be celebrated in their bright, new Bemidji Ski jackets, filled with a tense mixture of accute self-consciousness and bravado. 
• In all honesty, I think the pep band could be pretty cool.  I love snare drums.  Of course, it really depends on how greasy, balding, or bloated with self-importance the band teacher is.  I happen to know Bemidji’s band teacher and he’s a pretty good guy, so no problems there.

Unfortunately, ten minutes before class was dismissed I had to send a student from the room for disrespectful behavior so I spent that whole time documenting the “incident” and missed the pep fest.  In hindsight, I’m actually sorry I missed it because it would have been interesting to see how on-target my prognostications are.

However, I did come to a helpful realization, and this is my point:  There are many people who face going to church with that same sense of dread, shame and loathing that I feel when confronted by a pep fest.  For those people, church is just goofy and ridiculous.  It makes no sense and most of what happens there is embarrassing. 

Two primary thoughts: One, we worship a God they do not know, and sometimes that can’t be helped.  Some of them will always miss the point because they are blinded by the prince of the power of the air and being so are unable to perceive the glory of the knowledge of Jesus Christ. 

Two, some of them can be helped to overcome these feelings of dread and loathing if we are mindful of a couple things. 

First, when we assemble, let’s repent of our self-regard so we will not be guilty of mindlessly flouncing for someone else while internally we are driven by a deep, unacknowledged need for human approval.  Picture pastors or worship team members who are secretly seeking strokes.   “How can you believe?  While accepting glory from one another, you don’t seek the glory that comes from the only God” (John 5:44).

Second, resist the temptation to use leadership mind-voodoo, even if it works great for Johnny Bright Guy, Motivational Speaker.  If it isn’t real TO YOU shut up and sit down. 

Third, don’t patronize your listeners with goofy cliches, or what I once heard referred to as “frothy God-talk.”  This includes using the Lord’s name as some type of punctuation while praying, “And Lord, we just gather Lord, in the name of the Lord, Lord, and we want to ask Lord, that you Lord, would give favor Lord…”  If you pray like this, God probably isn’t offended, but to the rest of us you sound, well, ridiculous.  I hope that doesn’t sting too much.  The last thing we want is for anyone to feel self-conscious about how they pray.  You just need to talk to God normal is all.

Fourth, there are techniques available that will elicit emotional responses from a crowd.  Let’s face it, crowds will sometimes do weird things.  I was once at a Promise Keepers event in Dallas where men on both sides of the auditorium were shouting back and forth at each other, “We love Jesus yes we do we love Jesus HOW BOUT YOU?”  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Jesus and have done a lot of socially uncomfortable things for him.  But that takes the cake.  So … stinking … lame!  I’m guessing there were some cowboys in the audience who went along with the crowd, albeit uncomfortably, only later to wonder if they needed to have their testosterone levels checked.  When people come to worship with us, they need to know they can trust us not to use group think to get them to do or say something stupid.  Americans are an independent bunch and where they need to be challenged we should challenge those tendencies with truth, not with crowd manipulations.

Fifth, let’s celebrate what God is doing in the lives of people in a way that draws attention to God while honoring people.  But God is first.

Finally, if you can do some cool snare drums and stuff, go for it.  I think Jesus really likes that.

In response, I would love it if you would share some of your “best” embarrassing church moments.  If there isn’t a lesson there, at least it’s entertaining!