He’s got better receivers in that Wranglers commercial than he will with the Vikes.

Hey Brett – go deep. Real deep. Keep going. Almost there. No, no – a little further…

Just saw Prince Caspian last night.  Here are my first impressions. 

1. If my non-Christian friends see the Disney movie Prince Caspian believing it is Christian allegory, they are definitely going to think Christians are a triumphalistic, bloodthirsty, warlike people.  I am not exaggerating.  If they watch this film wondering in the back of their minds, “What does this film tell me about the world-view of Christians?” They will leave thinking some very strange things.  Frankly, I wish the film had been made by Mormons.
2. The Liam Neeson/Aslan character doesn’t present a very compelling picture of Jesus.  At least, not a Jesus that I would want to give my life to.  Lewis paints a much better allegorical picture in the book than they are able to achieve in the movie.  I found the movie Aslan to be … smarmy?  Repugnant?  Goofy?  Understated and overblown?  Yeah, all of the above.
3. What’s up with the bad guys all being dark-skinned? “Swarthy” is the term used by Lewis in the book, I believe.  All the bad guys are dark complected with thick beards, black hair and they cannot be trusted.  The protagonists are fair-skinned, no facial hair, and possess a noble sense of honor.  I love C.S. Lewis, but is this a subtle form of race-mongering? 
4. The accents in the movie are terrible.  It’s like they needed to hire dark-skinned guys with accents, any accent.  Each dude in the film gives it a dif’t twist.  Caspian is latin/hispanic, Miraz & his henchmen are more of a muddled, middle-eastern type thing.  Again, is this a part of the racial agenda of the film?  Or are the producers/director simply trying to tie into already existing stereotypes and hostility?  My take, in a word: pathetic.

Wrote this last year after spending way too much time reading scouting reports before the draft:

 

Hails from small-town Nazareth in Galilee.  Did not attend a big-time Rabbinic program.  Shows plenty of upside despite this relatively humble beginning. 

His preaching demonstrates subtlety, clarity and consistency yet he also shows the ability to shock and surprise his listeners. Dazzled the rabbis and listeners at a Junior event in the Jerusalem temple at age 12. Onlookers  at large events often overheard asking, “Where did he get his learning?” Able to draw from Scripture, experience, or story to make a point.  Creatively uses parables to maximize his teaching opportunities.  Some prospects speak to hear themselves talk, some settle for being memorable, Jesus of Nazareth drives for a decision. Insists that hearers alter their way of life (in his words “repent”). Has a decisive streak to him and delivers with authority. 

His determination to do things his way, or as he often insists, his father’s way, will get him in trouble with some scouts.  Said one NFC scout, “His my-way-or-the-highway approach is a little off-putting.  For our team, we need someone who can repeatedly tell people what they want to hear.”

Shows the wherewithal to side-step legalistic traps and maneuvering without growing anxious or defensive. Anticipates ploys and deception and shifts his strategy appropriately.

Possesses tremendous vision.  Has the rare ability to create hunger for life-change by offering profound and oftentimes counter-intuitive love to people of great need.

Demonstrates power in prayer.  Has incredible miraculous burst.  Sick people touched in his name invariably improve to full health. Is a pressure performer who consistently shows his best against demonic opponents, driving them from his presence as they scream in desperation.

A great talent who also has the ability to make everyone on the team better.  Is a great locker-room presence.  Will take the time to patiently instruct rookies.  Gives power and authority to teammates to carry on his work.

Family background is a strong positive.  This is a high-character pick. Withstood temptation from Satan after fasting in the desert for 40 days and had the grit to complete the mission his Father gave him despite severe emotional distress in the Garden of Gethsemane.  His mother was a humble virgin and his father is known to be the Spirit of God.

Comparing him to another top prospect, one scout for an AFC team said, “I like him better than Buddha.  To me, he’s much more compelling.  Not only offers a reason for suffering but goes the next step by suffering the punishment for the sins of humanity and freeing us all from an eternity of suffering.  You just don’t see any other prospect with that kind of productivity.  If we get the chance, we’ll take him in the first round.”

I spent four hours alone in my car driving back to Bemidji with a Chipotle chicken burrito.  Of course I ate the whole thing.

Okay, first of all, don’t take the alarm clock thing too seriously.  If you have to be up before 6, that might be a little tough. I’ve gotten a few comments on that and I don’t want anyone to put too much focus on it.  My intent is to help us all go to bed and wake up peacefully. Life will go on if you still need an alarm.

Secondly, I was probably asking for it by blogging on happiness, but just after I published that post I got really sick with the flu.  My neck and head ached so much I had a hard time sleeping and lying down caused me quite a bit of pain.  So I got pretty grumpy.  I was in pain, tired, weak, chills, the whole thing.  I didn’t want to read, talk, or hardly even think. 

At one point I wished I could be quarantined, shot and burned.

As I’ve recovered physically, it has taken some time to recover emotionally.  Frankly, I’ve been “down.”  That has been very interesting and it’s been a great lesson for me.

The lesson is this: happiness, too, is a work of God’s grace.  When God withdrew his hand of blessing, enough so that I was weakened and sick, I was able to clearly see that happiness and optimism are not innate character traits I possess.  Rather, much of my happiness is indubitably linked to my relative health and welfare and whatever other joy I experience is simply a gift from God, a result of his work in my life, lifting me up.  Again, it is a gift, a work of God’s grace.

Note the Teacher’s exhortation from Ecclesiastes: “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 2:24-26).

Well then, how can I be happy if it is a work of God’s grace?  I mean, how to I do I set about winning the grace lottery if grace is “undeserved favor”?  How can I have it if it is out of my control?

Here’s a simple thought:  it can’t hurt to ask.  You know, just admit your need and ask God for the gift of grace and the grace to be happy in all circumstances, even a household influenza outbreak.

There’s an encouraging scripture to mention here: God resists the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.  Yeah.

Okay, I know he’s retired and there’s no telling how much of the “news” coverage of Favre pitching for Randy Moss before he retired is speculation and how much was real.  In hindsight, some of the rumors out there seem pretty unlikely.

Nonetheless, it is pretty simple to understand why it is so believable that Favre would call Moss in the weeks leading up to his retirement and try to pull together a couple years with the league’s most dynamic wideout.

Here it is: Randy Moss is the greatest jump ball receiver in the history of the NFL.  He may also be the greatest deep ball receiver as well.  (Cue martial music and background cannon fire for the ensuing debate.)  Certainly he is far and away the best in the current era as both a jump ball and a deep ball threat.

So, what does Favre like to do when he’s in panicked or in trouble?  He heaves deep.  How many times did we see Favre in the NFC Championship game against the Giants heave deep to a double or triple-covered Greg Jennings – four?  Five?  Shoot, he was bombs away even when he had time or bought time with a scramble left or right.  In that regard, it was like the Dallas game all over again.  It was painful to watch.

To connect the dots, if there’s any truth to the rumors that Favre contacted Moss before retiring, it would be because Randy Moss would provide the greatest security blanket a panicked, long-chucking QB could ever hope to have.  Besides being sorta good in other aspects of the game.  Except blocking. 

If you’re in a big hurry, this is the main idea:  Happiness is a series of small obediences.

Step One: Tonight, before going to bed, start to pray about what time God wants you to get up and ask him to get you up. 

When I was a bowling coach, we used to teach people to swing the ball properly by over-emphasizing the first quarter of the swing.  “What’s well begun is half done” – and it’s absolutely true.  Get the first hour or two of your day right and the rest will go pretty well too.  Or, if you find old Irish proverbs more inspiring than crummy coaching cliches, try this: “Lose an hour in the morning and you’ll be looking for it all day.”

I haven’t used an alarm clock for years, even before I had kids.  Bear in mind, I love sleep.  I made myself into a total slug-wuss during college.  Slept all the time – totally slugly.  Over the years, I’ve changed a lot and it’s probably because I’ve prayed about it a lot and asked Jesus to change me.  Life is kinda important.  Don’t wanna sleep through it.  Praise God he’s been helping me with that. 

Significantly, I have noticed that while sleep is pleasurable and beneficial to a point, my life is more satisfying (i.e. “happy”) when sleep is kept in perspective and Jesus’ mission is my main priority. 

To reiterate: tonight, pray about your sleep and what time God wants you up.  Ask him to wake you naturally.  I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to get up and praise Jesus when I’ve been woken out of a deep sleep by the RRA RRA RRA RRA of a crummy alarm.  You’ll be happier just by getting the alarm out of your life.

Step Two: Before going to bed, begin to pray about how you’re going to start your day.  Ask for Jesus’ help and direction.  He wants to give that to you.  I’ve found it really helps to firmly fix in my mind my first few steps in the morning, even if it’s nothing special.  Typically, my thinking as I lay my head on my pillow looks like this: Okay, I’m going to get up around 7.  I’ll start my oatmeal and read the Bible, then get ready and head off to the high school… or, then check my email and start studying…  I just find I wake up with more purpose if I have a clear plan when I fall asleep.

Step Two and a Half (When you get up): For us followers of Jesus, I think it’s best if we read the Bible before doing the other media, whether it’s radio, internet, whatever.  Some friends once told me their rule, and I think it’s pretty good: No Bible, no breakfast – no read, no feed.  It’s something little, but it helps me out.  About the internet: you’ll be a lot happier if you read the Bible first.  Like me, you can keep trying to learn things the hard way, or you can stop being a knuckle-head and really seek joy in Christ.  I know, I know – it’s the first week of free agency and you want to see what moves your team made.  It’s better to be well-informed on the moves God has made or is likely to make.  Read the Bible.

Step 3: Work hard all day on whatever God puts before you.  Take a 5 minute break every hour or whatever.  Something like that.  Whatever God puts before you, do the best you can with the time you have.  

Step Three and a half (While you’re working): If at any point you start to get the feeling God wants you to do something different – to start or stop this or that, call this person, get a drink, anything – DO IT.  Especially if it doesn’t necessarily make sense.  You’re not an idiot for doing something you don’t understand.  You’re an idiot if you ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  You will always lose when you do that.  You miss out on so much.  This, I believe, is the crucial step that many believers misunderstand.  We’re not experiencing the adventure and joy of following Jesus because we’re not on his mission, moment by moment.

Step Four: Don’t complain, ever.  Be glad you have a job, a house, a car, a wife, kids, all that.  If you’re reading this blog, chances are you are not some African peasant living on a subsistence diet of crushed yams that you farmed yourself and stored in a hole in the ground, hidden away from your bastard yam-stealing neighbor or the evil, despotic warlord of the region.  So your life is pretty good, even if you work for the man in a stupid cubicle with a conniving boss and canoodling, adulterous co-workers. 

If you ever have to choose between buying medicine so you can live or buying food to feed your children, well then, by all means – go ahead and grouse a little.  Until then, shut yer yap, work hard, and be glad about it.

That’s pretty much it.  Pray hard the rest of the day and you’re home free if you’ve started well. 

Addendums:

• Take one bona fide day of rest a week.
• Avoid television whenever possible.
• Give money to noble, Christ-honoring causes.
• Give up the illusion of control.
• Read this blog regularly.

I sail for Youth Enkindled,

Wary, wary the savvy technocrat:

“Wisdom is proved right by all her children!”

Ah, but a childlike faith is best.

Last night my wife confronted me.

“WHY did you underline the passages in Proverbs about a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife?!”

Long pause.

For the life of me, I couldn’t think of what she was talking about.  I highlight a lot of stuff – I’ve got eight different colored pens and eight different colored highlighters.  It’s easy to forget what I’ve highlighted or why.

Did I preach on marriage and need to find those verses fast? Nooo.  Did I recently counsel a troubled couple and point them to those verses, conveniently highlighted in my Bible?  Again, nooooo.

“What Bible are you talking about?” I asked.

“Yours! Over there on the mantle.” she huffily replied.

Glancing over, I realized this was a Bible that had been left at the church about a year ago.  No one ever came back to claim it.  Not finding anything else handy, I took it to a small group the other night.   

I carefully explained it wasn’t my Bible.

But Jen wasn’t getting off the hook.  This was too fun.

“You’re pretty defensive,” I commented.  “Do you have something to confess?  Have you been quarrelsome and ill-tempered?”  I smiled down at her knowingly, tilting my head to imply compassionate sagacity.

“You’re not funny,” Jen muttered before shoving me in the arm and walking away.

Laughing, I encouraged her to repent.  I’m still waiting. 

I wonder how long it will be before she finds the Proverb that says, “Throw out the mocker and out goes strife, quarrels and insults are ended!”

There are many common misperceptions about God.  In this series, we will consider three of them: God the Cosmic Cop, God the Universal Professor, and God the Intergalactic Grandfather.  In our final piece we will consider the implications, tie it all together, and briefly explain a more realistic understanding of God as a holy and grace-filled Father.

God the Cosmic Cop is the favorite God of fighting fundamentalists (i.e. separatist baptists and backtothelanders who eschew a thoughtful hermeneutic for the security of rules), repressed Irish Catholics (Why are they so angry? Because God is!) and neo-fundagelicals (I don’t know who these people are, but I read about them here and I thought it would make me sound smart to reference them!  Also, I’m a preacher so I try to do everything with 3 points.).

God the Cosmic Cop is angry.  He’s been walking the beat and all he’s seen is human filth.  You know what I’m talking about.

Right now God the Cosmic Cop is watching you and slowly breathing out raspy threats between clenched teeth: Before you reach for that sin you have to ask yourself one question. ‘Do I feel lucky today?’ Well, punk, do ya?

God the Cosmic Cop knows you’ve been sinning and he’s waiting for just the right moment to kick you in the teeth.

God the Cosmic Cop cannot be pleased, but he can be appeased by our most strenuous efforts toward obedience.  If we somehow fall short, we should just go punch someone else in the face for falling shorter.  That doesn’t please God either, but at least it shows the world that God, and we, are serious about sin. 

Those who bow to God the Cosmic Cop can never be justified by grace because God is too angry at sin to be gracious so they kill themselves, each other, and any other convenient victims to maintain a veneer of self-righteousness.  Therefore, their favorite verse is, “Come out from among them and be separate” and they love to celebrate their doctrinal purity.  Whenever possible they also rejoice in their moral purity, especially compared to the philistines of whatever theological tradition is a convenient target at the time.  Since righteousness cannot be established by grace, it must be supported by a sense of superiority over others.

We must be saved, this line of thinking goes, our doctrine and moral purity is so much superior to everyone else’s!

When I accepted a call from God and our denomination to plant a church in Bemidji, I began to call some of the local churches simply to explain our intentions and to attempt, in some way, to ameliorate any possible defensiveness or “turf mentality.”  I wanted to position our future church as part of the larger body of Christ, here for the cause of the gospel.  One pastor of a local separatist church was clearly skeptical of me and my faith tradition.  “Well, I wouldn’t let you in my pulpit,” was his jocular remark, “but I welcome the competition!”  That, I suspect, was his very best effort at being friendly and accomodating.  How does one reply to a comment like that?  I still don’t know – aaaaawwkwAARD!

Since God cannot be pleased and at most can only be appeased by our very best efforts to angrily denounce and condemn sin and doctrinal impurity, especially in others, worshipers of God the Cosmic Cop live in a constant state of stress and repressed guilt.  They do not dance, no one wants them to sing, and they produce no art.  No, it’s not that they produce art of low quality, they really produce no art.  None.  No paintings.  No original music.  No sculpture.  God is angry, humans are filthy dirt, salvation is based on self-righteousness and the condemnation of others, life is a bitter stew of condemnation, strife, denunciations and repressed guilt – there is nothing to celebrate.  There is no art.

Their sermons are angry tirades against sin punctuated by red-faced huffing that “God is holy!” and afterward they all sing Onward Christian Soldiers. 

It’s a pretty meager spiritual existence.